Crossover Extravaganza!
by ryry
Summary: In a mansion at the center of a labyrinth in an underground sewer complex a group of our favorite villains from movies such as Labyrinth and Star Wars and plays and books plot to steal their significant others from the ones who have stolen them from them.
1. The Plan

**_My Cabaret, Buffy, Phantom of the Opera, Forbidden Game, Labyrinth, Rocky Horror , Star Wars Crossover Extravaganza!_**

Disclaimer: Don't own any of 'em except my disturbing humor.

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PROLOGUE: When the stories of these characters ended, we were left with somewhat interesting plot lines. I have changed a few things and so here is what happened: In **Cabaret**, the Emcee was desperately in love with Victor, but damn that Bobby! He had an affair with Vic behind the Emcee's back and then went and had a foursome with Cliff and Sally. In **Buffy**, Angel came back into the picture and had hot raging nights without poor Spiky knowing. In **POTO**, as we all know, Raoul won Christine's heart in the end, leaving poor Phantom to bask in despair. **The Forbidden Game **ended with Julian's name scratched off, and Jenny back in Tom's loving embrace. Unfortunately for Tommy boy, Julian's name has been re-written. In the **Labyrinth**, Sarah had no way of contacting Jareth, and thus, rejected him, and focused on her significant other, Sir Lancelot, the teddy bear. In that crazy **Rocky Horror Picture Show**, Frank-n-furter's creation, Rocky, was taken away by Janet, who insisted to Brad that they keep him as their....er...pet. Lastly, **Star Wars **erupted in a bang, when Anakin altered his DNA, made himself youthful and unburned while still running the empire, went back in the past, and discovered that Obi Won and Padmé were more than just friends. In a fit of rage, he went to Master Yoda, told him the news, and then discovered that Yoda was a little closer to Obi Won then he initially thought. To get back at their cheating lovers, they had an affair with each other. Lets just say ewwww. So without further ado, on to the fiction. 

CHAPTER 1: THE PLAN

Midnight. All is tranquil. Ever cascading mountains of water tumble down narrow peaks. The beauty is unbelievable. Yet silence is not inevitable, for strange creatures lurk unseen. They are men on the surface , yet most are inhuman within. Their strange cult has formed, and within the depths of their fiery circle, one speaks:

EMCEE: Mmmmmm! ello! bonsai! I am your host! ello ladies (raises eyebrow at those in tights) and gentleman! (looks hungrily at the more macho in the crowd) As you all know, we have been called here to discuss the kidnapping of zhe ones we love. We all have zhat special someone. Mmmhm! And tonight, under zhe control of magic and other sextacular things, we will have our dames! 

(Everyone claps in agreement)

Frank-N-furter: MMMMM! I like that one. For those of you who don't know, I am doctor Frank-N-futer. And I, can make you a man. A yummy man. And I want my man back. I made him myself, with blonde hair and a tan, and he's good for a little nights ten....

SPIKE: Bloody hell! No one gives a damn you freak. Just tell me how I can get the slayer. I know that deep down she wants me. Sadly, and against my will, I have fallen for her. 

JULIAN: Egad man! I know what you mean! I too, have fallen for a mortal. She came in to my shadowy shadow world and rocked it hard. 

EMCEE: Oh? So you had group sex too?

(Men look at each other sheepishly) 

Anakin: Well I for one think we need a leader. That is why, I, Anakin Skywalker, appoint myself dictator of this clan. 

Yoda: Young Skywalker must wait a minute says I. The imperial force is not aware to many men. (Yoda pauses, then blinks seductively at Ani) Isn't that right Darthy Poo?

( Anakin blushes furiously and makes rapid hand movements in an attempt to perform the Jedi mind trick on the others.) 

Emcee: Oh? So you know zhis sign language too? Zhen tell me, what doez zhis mean:

(The emcee drops his pants and makes disturbing movements with his...er...hips. A loud bellowing suddenly comes from a shady corner of the circle.)

Phantom: Damn you! Curse you all! What is all this dictatorship and sex? Do none of you see that I am the Angel? That the Angel of Darkness is upon you?

Half the clan: We bow down to you Satan!

Spike: (grumbling) I'd like to give Angel a piece of my mind...

Emcee and Frank-n- furter : (eyes glazed over) You can be upon me any day! 

(Phantom smacks himself and sits down by the fire and starts roasting a marshmallow.)

(Jareth, standing back from the group, suddenly speaks up for the first time)

Jareth: I propose a kidnapping plan. I think all of us should kidnap our own girl (looks irritably at some men), or boy...

Emcee: Oh Victor!

(Jareth rolls eyes and continues) And then we bring them back here and tell their significant others, and come on people! There always is one, that once they reach here they have 13 hours to solve the labyrinth or they lose them forever!(Jareth says this all very fast and erupts into hysterical high pitched giggling)

(The others just look at each other blankly until Julian finally speaks up) Why can't it be a haunted house?

Phantom: Yes! or an underground sewer complex?

Emcee: Or escaping the grasp of my tightly pinched butt cheeks?

(Frank-n-furter licks lips and moans while the rest just groan)

Jareth: (sighing sarcastically) Fine, fine! We'll just have to put the girls at the top of a haunted house in the center of the Labyrinth which is located in a complex underground sewer system...

Julian: With one of the nightmares being to find a man wearing pancake make-up with a swastika on his butt chasing after you backwards trying to furiously clamp you between his ass cheeks!

(Men consider this and look at Anakin for approval)

Anakin: (pondering) Mmmmm....ummm....

Emcee: Don't do zhat! You are making me pine for Victor!

(Anakin scoffs) Fine. What the hell. As long as I get Padmé back safely from Obi Won (Yoda's eyes fill with tears, exposing the longing within) and for goodness sake man, make sure the significant others don't win. 

(Jareth and Julian present high fives to each other when no looks)

END CHAPTER 1


	2. The Abduction

Disclaimer: To the 5 people who read this....wasn't that scrumpdiddlyumpcious? well...onto part 2 and I don't own anything except for the garbage that leaves the portholes of my mind...well....this should be interesting and a little peachy....tootles!...a quick haiku though...for later chapters

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the evil people

enjoy desiring them...

there shall be seaman

PART 2: THE ABDUCTION

THREE MONTHS LATER

Christine Daaé sat combing her luscious brown locks, examining each curl with tender lacey fingers. She and her husband had just bought a beautiful mansion located six blocks away from the London British Museum, right there in, you guessed it, London! After the events of the Phantom of the Opera, Raoul and Christine decided to leave Paris once and for all, so they moved on to London were Raoul serves as President of Fine Antiquates at the museum, and Christine follows her other love, dance. Except she has a secret. Raoul thinks she takes private lessons each day with Madame Pennyluck at the Beje in Piccadilly Circus. But anyone associated with arts knows that Piccadilly is where all the freaks hang. Unfortunately for Raoul, he' thinks Piccadilly is where Parliament is. You know, men and business suits and the like. 

Well, each day at Madame Pennyluck's, or shall I say Robbie Dixisluxurious, Christine and nine other young "professionals" practice extremely sexual dance moves and then get drunk. Robbie is a flaming homosexual and usually cross dresses so he "fits in". Well shave of your facial hair and stop braiding your pubes you sick bastard! Whoops, slipped. 

Anyways, one day, this day, Raoul came into the bedroom and asked Christine if he could stop by work and see her routines. Christine of course freaked cause she moonlights as a stripper. She couldn't lie quickly enough unfortunately though cause Raoul left quickly shouting, "See you at three!" Poor Christine. So screwed.

On the other side of the spectrum....

Buffy Summers sat cross legged on her bed, staring at a pick axe intently. All of a sudden a loud bang came from the bathroom. Confused, Buffy grabbed the axe and ran like lightning down the hall. She reached the locked door and began to furiously chop it down when a voice rang out from within. 

"No Dawny! Not like that! Like this!" Furious moaning began. "OH MY GOD! WILLOW NOOOOOO!", Buffy shouted, for she heard the voice of corruption. "NOT MY LITTLE SISTER! SHE'S TO YOUNG TO SWING THAT WAY!!!"

With one furious kick, the door banged open and Buffy rushed in, prepared to save Dawn from whatever was happening. What she found was quite disturbing to say the least. 

On the floor sat Willow and Dawn, and in front of them, a large pile of O.B. tampons. You know, the cute little ones that fit in your hand. The strange thing was, they were moving. "Look Buffy! I made feminine napkin mice for my science project! I even used my own magic! See:"

With that, Dawn began moaning and the tampons moved more rapidly and rapidly until, yes indeed, the resembled exact mice! 

"Oh. My. Goodness.", Buffy sighed and walked out of the bathroom, stuck somewhere between relived and disturbed. "I need a vacation", she muttered to herself. 

"Well, Slayer", said a British accent from behind her. "Today is your lucky day then." That's when she blacked out. 

In Jareth's eyes.....

Sarah Williams was having a bad week. Actually, it was more like a bad year. She felt terribly alone and her only comfort was her friends. Lately though, when she called for them, they would not appear. You see, her friends aren't like you and me. There actually talking puppet like things. There's Hoggle the troll, Sir Didymus the fox who rides Ambrosias the sheep dog. Then there's Ludo the seven foot tall furry critter who has the mentality of ketchup and is friends with rocks. Don't ask. 

Anyways, as Sarah's attempts to call up her friends failed again, she lay down on her bed and started talking to herself. Then she saw good ol' Sir Lancelot, her teddy bear. She loved this bear and was very er....fond...we'll say of it. 

"Oh Lancelot", she said stroking the teddy's ears, "Why can't you be a real man and take me away from this place?", she asked in a desperate tone. "Wait a minute!", she suddenly exclaimed, "I've got it!" With that she threw Lancelot down on the bed and shouted to the heaven's "GOBLIN KING, GOBLIN KING, WHEREVER YOU MAY BE, TAKE THIS......er.....this......BEAR FAR AWAY FROM ME!!!" 

With those words the room suddenly went black and drawers started opening and closing. Sarah sighed. "All right Jareth, I know your there. Just take me with you....Please?", she asked semi-desperately. 

"Sarah, Sarah. I would of thought you would of learned to say the words right by now." Jareth's voice filled the room in a sort of majestic echo. "It's that damn book, I swear!", Sarah shouted. "Hmm. I'm sure", Jareth muttered to himself. "Didn't have any trouble remembering them when I tried to make you my slave...."

"What was that?", Sarah asked irritably. "Urg, umm nothing, just that you umm...you...have thirteen hours to rescue the child, I mean, bear! Yah! You have thirteen hours to rescue the bear or else I...I...umm...make him into a toilet paper!"

"Silly! You can't do that! Teddy bears can't be recycled. I guess you'll have to take me instead.....", Sarah said seductively.

"Hmm", Jareth considered this. "Ur, Okay!" 

And with that he clunked Sarah over the head and happily carried her back to the castle.

It itches baby!

Janet Weiss sat the floor of her apartment, staring at her toes. Something was wrong. Ever since the escapade with Dr. Frank-n-furter and the sex aliens, she'd been noticing something was different...down south, if you know what I mean. Sure sex was greater than ever with their new pet Rocky. Brad was actually getting used to him, sleeping by their feet, licking their toes every once and a while. He was a great cook too. Except, Janet's problem was growing worse. Well, she had to tell Brad sometime, and today was the day. 

"Brad? Brad? Are you there sweetie?", she asked, hoping against hope that Brad wasn't home. 

"Yah Janet! What do you need baby?", he asked walking into the bathroom. "Brad, I...well...I have crabs!", she shouted and burst into tears.

"Rocky gave you fleas?", asked Brad dumfounded. "NO Brad! I have bugs in my pubes! Don't you get it? You probably have crabs too you know." 

Brad looked down in his pants and shrugged. "I just thought we got ants was all. You know, Rocky _has _been cooking and not cleaning", Brad sighed, irritated. 

"Where is Rocky anyways?", asked Janet sniffling.

"Rocky? Rocky, come here boy", Brad whistled. But instead of a man in a gold thong coming running, a note popped out of mid air. "Oh look Brad, a note!", exclaimed Janet. Brad picked up the note and read it carefully. "Janet, it says here that Dr. Frank-n-furter has kidnapped Rocky and taken him to a complex underground sewer system that they have called, "the labyrinth"."

Janet looked at Brad with tears in her eyes. "Oh Brad! I miss Rocky!"

"I know you do Janet, we'll get him back, don't worry.", he said hugging Janet and stroking her hair. Secretly though, Brad was smiling on the inside. 

While using the force...

Back in the future, on the planet of Naboo, a young senator named Padmé was styling her hair. As she tenderly tweaked her hair to form three massive buns, a style which, by the way, a certain goblin king would quote as "kinky", her holo-projector suddenly spat out an image. The one of her secret lover. Being murdered. By her boyfriend. Who is the father of her twins. Sounds like a bad episode of "Days of Our Lives", now doesn't it? Wrong!

As Padmé stared in horror at the image of her lover being slain, she heard faint laughing coming from outside the room. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she cautiously creaked open the heavy wooden door, and looked out into the deserted hall. There, she saw her lover, still alive by the way, clinging to a blue light saber currently passing through his chest. The odd thing was, her boyfriend wasn't in sight. 

"Ani?", she asked cautiously, peering out into the hallway a little farther. Still no boyfriend. 

"Hey hot stuff.", whispered a mellow-dramatic voice from behind her. Turning around, she saw who else but Anakin Skywalker, aka Darth Vader, aka hit and run stabber of Obi Wan, his master and Padmé's secret lover.

"Ani!", she said in shock, a fresh wave of tears spilling down her cheeks. Anakin looked at Padmé with those deep eyes of his, just tearing into her soul and making her heart weep. 

"Why did you do it Padmé?", he asked, his voice stern yet heavy with emotion. "You know I loved you. I truly did. But you deceived me as so many before have done. My own master goes after the only thing I have left."

Padmé looked at Ani, her eyes so sad. As a senator, she had made many hard speeches. But as a lover, these would be the hardest words she would ever speak. "Anakin. You know I love you. Yet you don't see why I did this. I need a man, a partner. Not a little boy. I need someone who will look at me as his companion, and not as the only "thing" he has left." These words stung at young Skywalker, they hurt so bad. 

"So be it." The finality in his voice was almost as scary as the look in his eyes. He raised his arm in a mock gesture of agreement, and produced a gun in his hand. A hoarse voice suddenly rang beyond the quarrelling lovers.

"Not...The poison dart", was all Padmé heard before her world went as black as her now torn up heart. 

High school Horrors..

Jenny Thorton was a normal girl. She had friends and made good grades, came from a normal middle class family, and even had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend, Tom, was very close to her. She had come close to losing him once, and now she would do anything to keep him safe. Even kill. She'd done it before with a man called Julian. Not done it done it, but killed him. Not in the way your thinking though. She had killed his love for her, or so she thought. Tossed his heart into a blender of despair, and set it on puree. But he was gone now, and her life was back to normal...

A beautiful man sat and watched an almost equally beautiful girl. She was of course, blonde, with green eyes, and currently fucking a studly boy named Tom. She and Tom had been together forever, but do to recent events, they began doing the nasty because "life was too short", as Tom put it. The beautiful man, or Julian, as the shadow men call him, knew he was just using a line. Boys would do anything to get a girl in the sack. Except for Julian. He liked to trap the girl, then get her in the sack. Wait never mind, I guess all men do that with the "Oh baby I want you's," and such. Well enough was enough for Julian anyways. He had far to much trouble with this girl and was ready for his hard earned nookie. 

"Oh Jenny! Oh god, yes! Yes!", shouted Tom the stud. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of something moving on the ceiling. "What the?", asked Tom in surprise as the small dot of movement turned into a giant spider.

"OH MY GOD! JENNY KICK IT'S ASS!", shouted Tom in a high pitched girly scream. Jenny wiped the sweat off her forehead and looked up at Tom in surprise. Screwing Tom was hard enough without him screaming about a little bug. When she looked up though, she wasn't in Tom's lap, but in Julian's.

"Tuh...tuh...Tom?", asked Jenny, praying that this was some sort of illusion. It wasn't. Tom's eyes could never look that blue, or that intense as those paralyzing eyes locked with hers, putting her in a trance, and the next thing she knew, Jenny was slipping off to La La land. 

While sitting alone in his room...

Victor was a good boy, as his mother always said. As a child, he always ate his peas, made his bed, and kissed his mother on the cheek. But what his poor mother didn't know was that deep down inside, the inner Victor was dieing to get out and do dirty things in front of people. Unfortunately, good little German boys don't dream of parading around in women's underpants. As Victor's mom put it, he should just, "Eat hiz viener like a good little boy". Victor ate wiener's all right. He did so for a living...and for pleasure. It was the best of both worlds, being a bisexual stripper in World War II Germany. Unfortunately, his emcee boss didn't think so. You see, the emcee wanted Victor to be monogamous, and eat his wiener only. Yet Victor did not want to do this, because the emcee had a "sauerkraut" problem if you know what I mean...maybe. Anyways, Bobby was the better wiener, so when Victor ended it, the emcee was left with an empty bed and no ketchup. Yah....okay. But today, as Victor sat alone in his room, warming up for tonight's wiener eating session, his closet creaked open just a tad.

"Ello?", asked Victor in that thick German accent of his. "Ello darling!" replied an all to familiar voice. "Vhat are you doing...", began Vic, but he was cut off...literally, when the emcee slammed hand cuff's on to his manly part(s).

"My viener!", cried Victor in pain. "Ha ha! Who is whose bitch now ?", laughed the emcee as he dragged Victor into the closet, licked his cheek, and transported the two of them back to the "labyrinth". 

END PART 2


End file.
